You know, I have sat around pondering today .. yes dangerous I know!
I am sure I used to have interesting conversation, you know that intellingent, thought provoking conversation, when you used to sit around and chat with mates until the long hours drinking coffee, sipping wine, whatever ..
What happened to those times, these days almost avery word that comes out of my mouth is to do with children. Not that I wouls swap them for anything, they are a delight, they are beautiful and I love them dearly, but what happened to me? Somewhere I dissappeared.
I have recently become reacquainted with friends I haven’t seen for years, since before I was a parent, and chatting on the phone I realised how different I am, how boring I must seem to others. Oh yes, I know it doesn’t matter what others think, but I kinda like that person I was. No I am not lamenting, not really, I am not particularly distressed by this, but just wondering how it happened. Am I really uninteresting now?? I guess I don’t really know, I hope I am not.
But I guess it shows, that we cannot hang on to the past, we need to make ourselves a new future. My kids are getting a little bit older, they are all at school now, Jordan even doing his final year at Primary School, it won’t be long when I will need to rediscover myself, I won’t just be mum anymore, but can I remember how?
The funny thing is, I sat there pondering all of this over a cup of coffee. And it wasn’t one in a fancy coffee shop, with a beautiful little sweet something to nibble on the side. It was here in front of my computer, with two children home sick fighting over something in the lounge room, as I try to wake up with my huge hot chocolate mug, filled with black coffee in my hands.
I always have found myself thinking “What am I going to be when I grow up?”, now I find myself thinking “When did I grow up? I missed that happening …”
